The Ending of a New Beginning

From the moment we met, till the last...
you are always on my mind...
the last one who i think of at night and
the first one who i think of in the morning when i wake up.

We dealt with much difficulty when we first started out
And went through months of life changing experiences
From letting your emotions run high to down low

I thought we had it all..
Challenges we faced were conquered
And the love we had for each other was burning in desire

But i was covered with denial not seeing the real truth...
Not being able to see the real you.
The love you had for me was simply fading away
Even though mine was yearning for you

As i type and cry at this very moment still thinking about you,
I wonder how you are doing in life and if you are healthy..
So many things left to say in so little time...

My love, for you will always be mine
Time will heal but wounds will leave a scar on my heart
reminding me of the best times we've shared together
Your hugs, kisses and the deep talks we've had

Choosing you not to be my friend is final
for it hurts too much to see u in that way
i shall disappear and not a trace will be found

Where a last present will be presented,
that shall be my last gift before i part
you will always be remembered and etched in me

i love you

yours sincerely,
Theodore

xoxo

A new beginning

I waited for you, in vain and total darkness. Only my smile was covering my inner layer of hurt and tears. But i was not going to give up without a fight and held you close in my heart. Keeping myself busy with my promises, i was determined to not lose you.

Days went by draining me and i got sick. U were worried abt me but we hurt each other's heart more instead. I was wondering of all the whys' i can think of every single day and never got an answer. Until 27/4/2011 happened. U showed me something that i will never forget.

Only god knows how happy and thankful i was at that moment. Tears of joy healed my pain and now i am more than determined to make you happy than you were before. I am going to work harder and make everyone jealous with our overflowing love <3

Lets rock this world and spread the love!

Yours truly,

Theodore

Xoxo

Pain

Torn into pieces i was.

But realising i shld still be there for you in times of need, i buck up and be stronger.

The fact that you can still be my friend is better then not having you in my life at all.

So here i am still in pain but staying strong, i'll always be your pillar of strength, a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear.

Time will heal to make us stronger so don't give up on life and stay strong.

Be the person you've always wanted to be and strive for it.

As for me, whatever i said to you, those promises i made, i will still keep them and make them happen.

Making myself to be a better person, learning new instruments and be the person who i have always wanted to be.

My sincerest apologies for ever hurting you with those words and actions for i feel very guilty which no words or actions can ever explain. Remember that i'll be there no matter how much it hurts the both of us. Physically or mentally. Im your hulk, ur superwoman and most importantly, forever your theodore. I love you.

Yours sincerely,

Theodore

Xoxo

Senses

When i first saw her, it wasn't love at first sight. It was just a friendly sight.

When i touched her, it didn't send shivers down my spine

When i first talked to her, she didn't sound like an angel

Now,

Even though she's not my love at first sight, she's the only one that i can see. In my dreams, in my mind and in my heart. Even staring at her for a day still makes me miss her.

She didn't send shivers down my spine but all i want to do is hug her warm and tight and hold her hands and never let go. Being with her just fills me with hope and resurrection.

She didn't sound like an angel but hearing her talk just makes my heart beat faster and stomach flutter like butterfly in e gardens. Morning, afternoon or night, it don't matter.

But it hurts most when she's not with me just because i feel like i have lost my senses of sight, touch and hear. What am i without these senses? For i am just hopelessly in love with her.

Love,

Theodore

Do you remember

Do you remember

The first messages we exchanged?

Do you remember

The first text we received?

Do you remember

The first call you made?

Do you remember

The first time we met?

Do you remember

The first time we glanced at each other?

Do you remember

The first time we held hands?

Do you remember

The first time we hugged each other?

Do you remember

The first time we kissed?

Do you remember

Our first movie together?

Do you remember

Our first night out together?

Do you remember

When we had our first fight together?

Do you remember

When we said "i love you" to each other?

Because i do

It started with with a message just to get to know you and i wanted to meet you. Your words always leave me curious what kind of person you are. The first call was the day when i met you. You made me wait and even gave me the wrong place to go to and when we met, i remember that blue cotton on shirt that u had on you while smiling. I remember when you said you love the rain and started walking under it.



At that time when i was looking at you, i knew i was in for one hell of a ride with you. The strange calls and mysteries you had got me jealous as time went by,  but you still weren't mine then.

Our first movie date out together was fun. Walking along the empty streets of town, having our mc donalds breakfast and waiting for the first train to start.

Remember when we were at the park teaching you how to skate? That's the first time we held hands. It was a nice breezy weather and you were nervous about being on skates but you got on it anyways. When it was time to go home, i was contemplating on how to bid you goodbye and we ended up wit a small hug and a slight glance to each other.

The bus ride to mt faber only brought us closer while holding hands and enjoying each other company. As night came, i didn't see it coming. You made the first move and we had our first kiss with balloons by our side, the perfect view and the windy cool weather to top it all off. It was perfect.

We never really had any arguments until one day you wanted us to separate ways. You left me hanging at the bus stop dazed and confused. The trip home was unbearable and the talk that we had had me saying the three most important words to me - I Love You.

You didn't steal my heart but it ran away and went to you as if it belonged there. No matter how long you want me to wait, i will because i dont think my heart will ever come running back to me as it has found its home right in you. I'll always be there.

Love,

Theodore

Fears

As i was reminiscing my childhood times abt my father wen i was a kid, everything from my past started to relive itself in my head. 1 by 1 it started to collect itself... those hurtful, scarful moments of my life that had somewhat moulded me into who i am today.

As i have remembered clearly abt fasting mth every year since i was small, i will be waking up to smack or in this case, a whack from anyth like a hanger to anyth long on e legs. As kids, we wld be expected to be woken up by a slap on e shoulder or sth lighter... bt by sth long and lean was way to oblivious to be awakened by.

Remembering all these memories from the past only makes my hatred towards my dad even more coz of all the pain he's caused every1 except for himself to have. If u're wondering what he's like, well, juz imagine an old man who thinks highly of himself, conservative, violent, controlling and demanding(there's more bt i won't be elaborating on that).

U might think that ur father or parents are more violent, well, this is my story, what i went thru and as a child. How i've come to hate men 1ce they get married, how cunning and canniving they are infront and behind the public eyes. Somehow, i'm jealous of how other fathers(i don't say parent coz my mother is an amazing woman only wen she's nt angry hehe) in this era, how they treat their kids(outside). Well, lets just say i wouldn't wanna know wat its like behind closes doors coz its their life nt mine.

Well, that being said, i was juz reminiscing how it was like last time living wit my father... even tho this is just a pinch of what i went thru, i hope parents will still be a good role model to their children in the future to mould our world into a better place. Happy fasting :)

Decisions

I've been thinking today... i've made alot of wrong decisions of all my life... bt this yr is e worst of my whole life. From school, some friends (coz i have alot of amazing friends), money, etc... u get my point.

I've just made my mom cried today coz of my lack in money. Well, i thot i still had some time b4 e gym deducts my money from my acct. Bt i was wrong. The moment i checked my balance at ard 9.15pm today, i'm only left wit 50 instead of 150...

I was thinking of passing e money to mom bt i was too late. My money is gone n now im left wit 50. Disappointment n heartbreak were the only feelings i had for that moment. I only wanted to buy new clothes for myself in wen its hari raya... bt i guess nt anymore...

Tears fall as i type this down as i remembered how my mom reacted wen i told her i had ony 50 left in my acct. I hate myself for being such a failure in life... and being penniless all e time...

I've never wanted my mom to drop a single for me... n so i have succeeded doing so today... such horrible feelings is running through me.

Maybe i made e wrong decision by even being born or by signing up for gym thinking that i can make it thru n thru... such thinking was juz dreams n will remain as dat for now... 

I don feel like living anymore n leave every1... at least there's 1 less burden at home...  maybe this is my last post... who knows...