Fears

As i was reminiscing my childhood times abt my father wen i was a kid, everything from my past started to relive itself in my head. 1 by 1 it started to collect itself... those hurtful, scarful moments of my life that had somewhat moulded me into who i am today.

As i have remembered clearly abt fasting mth every year since i was small, i will be waking up to smack or in this case, a whack from anyth like a hanger to anyth long on e legs. As kids, we wld be expected to be woken up by a slap on e shoulder or sth lighter... bt by sth long and lean was way to oblivious to be awakened by.

Remembering all these memories from the past only makes my hatred towards my dad even more coz of all the pain he's caused every1 except for himself to have. If u're wondering what he's like, well, juz imagine an old man who thinks highly of himself, conservative, violent, controlling and demanding(there's more bt i won't be elaborating on that).

U might think that ur father or parents are more violent, well, this is my story, what i went thru and as a child. How i've come to hate men 1ce they get married, how cunning and canniving they are infront and behind the public eyes. Somehow, i'm jealous of how other fathers(i don't say parent coz my mother is an amazing woman only wen she's nt angry hehe) in this era, how they treat their kids(outside). Well, lets just say i wouldn't wanna know wat its like behind closes doors coz its their life nt mine.

Well, that being said, i was juz reminiscing how it was like last time living wit my father... even tho this is just a pinch of what i went thru, i hope parents will still be a good role model to their children in the future to mould our world into a better place. Happy fasting :)

Decisions

I've been thinking today... i've made alot of wrong decisions of all my life... bt this yr is e worst of my whole life. From school, some friends (coz i have alot of amazing friends), money, etc... u get my point.

I've just made my mom cried today coz of my lack in money. Well, i thot i still had some time b4 e gym deducts my money from my acct. Bt i was wrong. The moment i checked my balance at ard 9.15pm today, i'm only left wit 50 instead of 150...

I was thinking of passing e money to mom bt i was too late. My money is gone n now im left wit 50. Disappointment n heartbreak were the only feelings i had for that moment. I only wanted to buy new clothes for myself in wen its hari raya... bt i guess nt anymore...

Tears fall as i type this down as i remembered how my mom reacted wen i told her i had ony 50 left in my acct. I hate myself for being such a failure in life... and being penniless all e time...

I've never wanted my mom to drop a single for me... n so i have succeeded doing so today... such horrible feelings is running through me.

Maybe i made e wrong decision by even being born or by signing up for gym thinking that i can make it thru n thru... such thinking was juz dreams n will remain as dat for now... 

I don feel like living anymore n leave every1... at least there's 1 less burden at home...  maybe this is my last post... who knows...

Life as a step child

I'm nt saying as if i've been adopted or anything... bt as in work n staying at my aunts house.

As every1 knows that i'm working at USS under fujifilm under WES... yea its dat bad! Not only do we not get e privileges that other employees do, we literally get treated like stepchildren. We get e last information and updates and best of all, we dont get any freebies like tix to vayage de lavie.

Its bad enough dat USS treats us like this, even our own company adds to this suffering of ours. Wat a pain in the ass...!

One by one of us fujifilm staff is leaving and we'll all be left alone at the end of the day... except for e dry couple living together happily forever after... haha.

Anyways, life is a bitch here at USS no matter how u look at it. From the cafeteria food to the stupid management that dont defend our well beings as their employee.

Maybe its time for me or all of us to move on away from here and get better pay, priviledges and LIFE! I know i'm making a big step now... are u?