Decisions

I've been thinking today... i've made alot of wrong decisions of all my life... bt this yr is e worst of my whole life. From school, some friends (coz i have alot of amazing friends), money, etc... u get my point.

I've just made my mom cried today coz of my lack in money. Well, i thot i still had some time b4 e gym deducts my money from my acct. Bt i was wrong. The moment i checked my balance at ard 9.15pm today, i'm only left wit 50 instead of 150...

I was thinking of passing e money to mom bt i was too late. My money is gone n now im left wit 50. Disappointment n heartbreak were the only feelings i had for that moment. I only wanted to buy new clothes for myself in wen its hari raya... bt i guess nt anymore...

Tears fall as i type this down as i remembered how my mom reacted wen i told her i had ony 50 left in my acct. I hate myself for being such a failure in life... and being penniless all e time...

I've never wanted my mom to drop a single for me... n so i have succeeded doing so today... such horrible feelings is running through me.

Maybe i made e wrong decision by even being born or by signing up for gym thinking that i can make it thru n thru... such thinking was juz dreams n will remain as dat for now... 

I don feel like living anymore n leave every1... at least there's 1 less burden at home...  maybe this is my last post... who knows...