Fears

As i was reminiscing my childhood times abt my father wen i was a kid, everything from my past started to relive itself in my head. 1 by 1 it started to collect itself... those hurtful, scarful moments of my life that had somewhat moulded me into who i am today.

As i have remembered clearly abt fasting mth every year since i was small, i will be waking up to smack or in this case, a whack from anyth like a hanger to anyth long on e legs. As kids, we wld be expected to be woken up by a slap on e shoulder or sth lighter... bt by sth long and lean was way to oblivious to be awakened by.

Remembering all these memories from the past only makes my hatred towards my dad even more coz of all the pain he's caused every1 except for himself to have. If u're wondering what he's like, well, juz imagine an old man who thinks highly of himself, conservative, violent, controlling and demanding(there's more bt i won't be elaborating on that).

U might think that ur father or parents are more violent, well, this is my story, what i went thru and as a child. How i've come to hate men 1ce they get married, how cunning and canniving they are infront and behind the public eyes. Somehow, i'm jealous of how other fathers(i don't say parent coz my mother is an amazing woman only wen she's nt angry hehe) in this era, how they treat their kids(outside). Well, lets just say i wouldn't wanna know wat its like behind closes doors coz its their life nt mine.

Well, that being said, i was juz reminiscing how it was like last time living wit my father... even tho this is just a pinch of what i went thru, i hope parents will still be a good role model to their children in the future to mould our world into a better place. Happy fasting :)

Decisions

I've been thinking today... i've made alot of wrong decisions of all my life... bt this yr is e worst of my whole life. From school, some friends (coz i have alot of amazing friends), money, etc... u get my point.

I've just made my mom cried today coz of my lack in money. Well, i thot i still had some time b4 e gym deducts my money from my acct. Bt i was wrong. The moment i checked my balance at ard 9.15pm today, i'm only left wit 50 instead of 150...

I was thinking of passing e money to mom bt i was too late. My money is gone n now im left wit 50. Disappointment n heartbreak were the only feelings i had for that moment. I only wanted to buy new clothes for myself in wen its hari raya... bt i guess nt anymore...

Tears fall as i type this down as i remembered how my mom reacted wen i told her i had ony 50 left in my acct. I hate myself for being such a failure in life... and being penniless all e time...

I've never wanted my mom to drop a single for me... n so i have succeeded doing so today... such horrible feelings is running through me.

Maybe i made e wrong decision by even being born or by signing up for gym thinking that i can make it thru n thru... such thinking was juz dreams n will remain as dat for now... 

I don feel like living anymore n leave every1... at least there's 1 less burden at home...  maybe this is my last post... who knows...

Life as a step child

I'm nt saying as if i've been adopted or anything... bt as in work n staying at my aunts house.

As every1 knows that i'm working at USS under fujifilm under WES... yea its dat bad! Not only do we not get e privileges that other employees do, we literally get treated like stepchildren. We get e last information and updates and best of all, we dont get any freebies like tix to vayage de lavie.

Its bad enough dat USS treats us like this, even our own company adds to this suffering of ours. Wat a pain in the ass...!

One by one of us fujifilm staff is leaving and we'll all be left alone at the end of the day... except for e dry couple living together happily forever after... haha.

Anyways, life is a bitch here at USS no matter how u look at it. From the cafeteria food to the stupid management that dont defend our well beings as their employee.

Maybe its time for me or all of us to move on away from here and get better pay, priviledges and LIFE! I know i'm making a big step now... are u?

Labels

It's come to my attn dat ppl have been labeling me as butch... y is dat so? Do I really nd to label myself as sth juz to get my own identity? Y can't I be my self n don get labelled?

Juz coz I dress like a guy, have haircut like a guy, don mean I'm a butch... so what if I look like a guy don mean u can treat me like a guy... don mean I'm ur "bro"...

I juz happen to have more guy frens den girls... n I feel dat hanging out wit guys r better den girls coz they r always relaxed n girls r always chirpy n always creating havoc... nt to 4get, they can b bitchy sometimes...

In terms of hanging out, yes I like guys better... bt in terms of relationships, I don think I can ever have 1 wit a guy... my past experiences wit guys n girls have made me think this way...

I can't say I've nt tried to be "normal" bt I have... juz look at my past pix n dats proof... I juz don feel like its me to become normal in ppl eyes... so I've decided to be myself n live e way dat I want!

Dress e way dat I want, look e way dat I want, hang out wit e ppl dat I want n date e ppl dat I want. Girls turn me on n guys r best to hangout with... this is me, accept me or deny me. Juz don label me.

Human discrimination

I'm back and ready to rumble... As ive promised, I'll b writing about the discrimination against women. I have encountered an unwanted tiff with With my uncle about this unwanted topic.

As a woman, I feel that every one should be treated equally regardless of sex. If boys are able to play soccer, do can e girls. If boys can go out and have fun, so can the girls.

So why is there a line drawn between boys and girls when it comes to controlling or leadership? why must the world be led by men and not women? Why must the women be the ones at home cleaning the dishes and looking after the kids?

If it was the19 th century, yes I would understand. But this is already the future. An example is in those 3 Rd world countries like Israel where women have to cover themselves up so that the men don't get horny and rape them at broad daylight. Women get beaten up if they don't cover them self and men blames the women for so called seducing them.

It's amazing how men get away with murder and the women takes the shame and becomes a castaway immediately.

Well, my uncle seems to be 1 of those people who thinks that women should stay at home. Even if they were to go out, theres a curfew to adhere to. He added that if it was my sons, allI can say to them is not to get in trouble but for girls, don't get yourself pregnant and come home early.

Why must it be that if a guy impregnates a woman out of wedlock the girl is responsible and not the boy? the boy can just simply choose to run away and be free where the girl have to take responsibility for the kid?

Its sad to think that there are such people in this world to begin with.

fun dayzzz

woohoo! n so ytd and today was my off days. N i gt to spend it wisely. It's been a while since i've met KIM. Slight intro abt her is dat i met her wen i was working at Cathay @ Hotdog Factory. She's 19 and my very gd fren dat is hard to find so i treasure her alot. Well, i met her wen it was my off days! haha! i would describe our meeting quite interesting.Ytd, we met at bukit gombak n decided to go gym @ BG... like random bt hell i went along wit it anyways... compared to e gym dat i regularly go to, e gym dat i went to at BG is erm... how do i say... rusty, smells ok n lack of equipments... dat explains e amt i have paid for a neighbourhood gym den a high end gym... it was worth e experience tho...hahaha look on e bright side, i'll nvr know wat it feels like to go on a neighbourhood gym... woohoo! after gym was dinner at coffeeshop@ BG. After so long of nt visiting coffeeshops, i have relived my childhood by gg to 1 ytd. hahaha... according to kim, e coffeeshop uses black magic to lure customers in... hmm i don care really... its interesting wat ppl can do to have money... pft. Another thing we have in common is how our discussions can become so enthu dat we don even care abt e surroundings haha fuck them! u listen if u like dont listen if u dont...

The next day was even more interesting... Kim invited me to her 1st tournament as a capitan(captain)! haha. She's in floorball team from millennia institute and ehem ehem the captain mind you. fierce grr...! at 1st, watching floorbal was kinda weird to me coz ive nvr played neither have i ever seen ppl playing floorball either. i suppose there're 4 legs to e comp. hearing e supporters shout for their school n names of the players kinda brought me into e game as well. it was a very exhilarating comp for me. i have no idea y KIM said dat it was a lucky game wen to me it was all abt hard work n perseverance dat brought them to winning e comp. yes i said it right, they won alright! haha oh wat an emotional win for her! bt congratulations to MI for winning is in order! work hard for the next comp aitez! dat's this wed...hahaha

P.S i'd like to shout out to some of e beautiful girls of floorball teams from MI is NO.9, smiley n star player(e girl who scored) n to KIM for being a kanchiong sport. haha relax kim! from innova jc - nadia(the captain) n nabila from meridian jc will be elise(the captain), no.13 and elise gd fren(i think) i dunno her no. tho... keep up e gd work girls :D u rawk!

what happened?

wow! i cant believe it's been almost 10 days i din blog abt myself! haiz... life working has been salty, sour, pale with a pinch of everything nice...(juz made that up!)

I'm gonna make this post out a short 1 since i don have much time today either... i have to get back to work at 1pm later. Well, alot of things have happened and what's new? hmm almost everything i'd say!

My life is turning upside down even wen i'm writing this down. For the good or bad, well u be the judge ok! As often as u might hear this, all of u working ppl out there might know that every company has their own politics. Well, of course Fujifilm@USS has too. As time pass by at work, every1's character comes alive or shld i say our true colours comes out. Its never enough that we get to know our good side...now here comes the bad side. SURPRISE!!!!

It gt bad at 1 point of time coz almost every1's other side comes to life TADA~~~! I was taken aback for a while bt gt to regain my composure. thx to a few gd souls out there, my temper wasn't all revealed. Well, turning to a new leaf too have to include me turning down my temper too...

Enough abt that! i'm officially dark! seriously... there are 2 colours on my hand n it's fking obvious! n i was thinking that wen i get dark ppl wont talk to me in chinese... bt as usual, i was wrong! the 1st thing a customer did wen they stepped in was talk to me in chinese -_- haiz... Since i dont c the point in that, i shall go n buy myself a tub of chlorox n bleach myself back to my original n juz get on with my life!

Did i tell u dat i wanna talk more in malay? hmm well, i'm being talked down by my cousins and they seem to know more malay words then me! how embarassing! reading malay books or newspapers will juz take me days to read, talking to me in malay can happen only if im nt nervous... so pls if ure malay, make sure im calmed down n talk to me in malay. i dont even know the malay kuehs by heart! haiz... at least my other languages are improving... right? hahaha maybe i shld borrow 1 of my aunty's kamus(malay dictionary) and read it everyday?

I gt bad news too... Due to my hectic schedule at work, i cant seem to find time to go to e gym! like WTF! im fking disappointed in myself...@_@ urgh! events and work has been keeping me away from it as much as it can! damn it... it's a 9-6 job bt i have to be there 1hr earlier and be home 1 hr later. Those hours that im slaving my way thru work getting dark and sweating like a pig alreaDY makes me tired from gg anywhere...

i hope for a better week this week! yea right... with events this tue-thurs, i think im gonna be a dead mummy by e end of each day...alright den! time's up! i gtg...

Hope ure having more fun den i am coz u wldnt wanna be in my position! chow!

my life as it was...

I miss u so much Blog-ary and fellow frens who have been waiting for me to update my blog!!!! As usual, many things have happened to me the past week...



Continuing on last week's post, guess what? Blondie actually took a picture with me! hahahaha Thanks to my hero - Daniel ehem ehem! credits to him, i gt a pic wit my Blondie! lol... It was actually the last day of Chippendales and so alot had happened that night. woohoo! i can still remember it all as if it had happened ytd...



Hmm... It was kinda sad that the show was ending since it was the last day, i tried to make it as memorable as poossible. And u know it did! After Blondie, i was e photographer for that day... and was partnered with The Mar. We were as usual taking photo's and Jaymes, one of the hotties, decided to take a photo with me... As i struggled to take e pic with him, The Mar helped to take e pic...! Some time later, the group that i took pic suddenly dragged me to their group and so wala! i gt a group photo with them...hehehe cheeky guys! i know siew choo was shocked wen they saw my pic with the guys instead of the guests... hahaha Not my fault guys!



End of photo taking, e hotties went out to take more photos with guests and they took out the Harley that staccey(the black guy) used for humping... lol and u guessed it, i was in there too... Wow! did we have fun! Just wen we thought that it's time for us to pack and go home, Bryan comes to our counter and requests that he wanted to prints some photos for the group and make it into a collage... and so, everything was unpacked and set up juz for Bryan. And so the day ended juz like dat with a photo with Bryan...hehe

That was the long awaited story of me with the mar and daniel's 1st event together, and with the Chippendales hotties...!

the good and the bad...

Oh my blog-ary! how i've missed u so badly! hahaha i am in need of you since forever... anyways... there's alot of things that i wanna tell u bt somehow some things had been forgotten due to my busy schedule. Hmm... maybe i should start with what happened ytd.

Even tho the Chippendales event is ending today, ytd's event was full of surprises well at least it was for me. 4 gd things happened and im still picturing it while writing this down... hehehe. 1stly, i lost 2kg and so my current weight is 97.4kg! woohoo! and i started off with 104.5kg.... omg... i cant believe i went past 100! haiz im so happy bt i shall nt let e happiness let me into food again. i have learnt my lesson of dieting... No i can't starve myself coz then i wont be able to lose weight. I have to eat enough calories to lose weight. i was eating 500-800 cal bt have increased it to 1000-1200 cal. lesson learnt!

The 2nd bit of info is gonna be kept private bt only a few certain ppl knows what it is...hehehe *naughty*

As part of the event of the Chippendales, i have come to know that i have been ogling at certain ppl at work... 3 ppl have caught my attention and their names are..... Blondie, Lena and Lena's friend. hehehe My days spent ogling at them everyday have nt been badly spent coz of them :D Well good news no. 3 & 4 are abt them... hahaha while it might nt mean anyth to u, it means something to me...

What happened was, blondie winked at me while pulling the Q-Poles and Lena talked to me. I have no idea what she was talking abt, i was bz checking her out to even notice wat she was talking abt. hehehe

Today is the last day of the Chippendales and as the hunks in trunks sing, dance and hump their way to their cheesy songs, i shall enjoy my last day at the event taking in some other details that i could've kept out... and treasure these memories right here in my blog-ary.

Oh, and as some of u might know that Universal studios(USS) opening its gates on the 18th mar 2010, i shall be a bz bee! i hope i'll be able to fill u in with my life stories and more with u... CYA!

LiFe...

It's nice talking to u again my dear blog-ary and dear frens! Life for me has been a rollercoaster... juz like every1's... Hmm, where do i start... i'm no longer with Nicole(my personal trainer) bt e hours spent with her teaching me will something i wont forget as i'm probably gonna nd those info's for the rest of my life and hell yea i'm gonna miss her! So, i'm on my own everytime i go gym bt hey look on the bright side, i have my own entertainment than most men get! hehehe!

Gt a call some time last week and was asked to go to work on monday. Damn i was happy after all those days spent rotting at home, well nt exactly if u minus off the days i spent at e gym n library i DID rot at home! I was looking forward to meeting every1 bt realized on Monday itself that there was juz the 3 of us that has to attend the training...bummer~ I found out that we(me, Mar and Daniel) were part of the roving team and some others... so, yay! The 3 of us is gonna be at the event that's gonna be held at 1 of the hotels. If u don't know what chip'n'dale is in Singapore, they are male models or men who dresses only in their TRUNKS so that all the girls will go GAGA over them. HAHA! Oh n it's an all girls event(except for the hunky men in trunks!) Cant wait for the event!

After the good news, we headed down to JPR(Jurassic Park) office and that's where we had fun taking pictures of ourselves...hehe Daniel is actually a photogenic person and Mar juz likes his pictures taken! lol We were supposed to have our training about the technical side of the whole process bt somehow, the transmitter and the router didn't go along well together. We ended up having too much pictures of ourselves and posing. Had our lunch at Seah Im den more pictures were taken after lunch. We gt a little bored n e boys decided to take e ride at JPR. Nt the rapid rides, nt the flying dinosaurs bt e other 1...

I had no fear at all abt taking this ride coz i know it's nt as powerful as BSG! and decided to go ahead with them. i'd taken a seat and the girl was ready to buckle me in wen the belt wasn't long enough to buckle me up. It wasn't the type that is able to lengthen the belt and so the girl said sorry and i didn't have the chance to take the ride... Sad how things worked out for me... the girls had that "sorry" look on her face bt i tried my best nt to let a tear drop. i stepped down n went to the side n Dan n Mar was asking me y i had chicken out nt knowing y i backed out last minute. now u know... standing at the side of the EXIT gate sadly, i tried cheering myself up bt i know that failed. So i put on a cool face and asked the girl how long the ride was. She said it was 53 Sec and walked away.

"The size of my body juz made me lose a 53sec ride" thats wat i told myself feeling down as i headed to the washroom to cool myself down and quickly regained my confidence! Well, its just a 53sec ride and i WILL c u(the ride) wen my body is so sexy, u wont even stand a chance to feel it! how abt that! As sad as i was, i tried to put up an 'ok' face to the boys... bt deep down i was still feeling sad n disappointed.

The day ended well anyways. Its time for me to move on look forward to a better me!

Sounds interesting?

My Blog-ary has set off n ready to fly people!

Am i allowed to talk abt my self in this blog? hmm~

Of course! hello it is my blog! like DUH...

Oh i forgot...i'm supposed to say more abt myself! hahaha here goes:

As much as i wld love to tell u abt my detailed life, i don think its e right time to juz yet. So for this post will be abt...hmm... my hobbies? wat i watch? wat i listen to? wat i do? Lets juz go wit the flow shall we? hahaha

For the past 21 years of my life spent here on earth, i've had no problems with eating food... well, except for eggs(was allergic to them once upon a time bt all i had to do was to cut down on e intake n i'm gd to go!)... Hmm bt fate has taken its turn n most of the things that i have eaten b4, i'm nt able to eat it in e yr 2010...How sad :( Believe it anot, i even have my CANs and CANNOTs list! I'm telling u, i have more CANNOTS than CANs...Haiz at least it had gotten better... Here is juz a small list of mu CANs and CANNOTs list(updated Ver):

CAN:

• Chicken
• Mushroom
• Beef

CANNOT:

• All seafood including fish(except for fishball)
• Look at the 1st point... Want the details?

Oh and i had a reaction to dried squid too! my mom decided to soak them for 1 night and it had gotten really stinky that i cld smell it from my room! The smell at e living rm was worse! Too bad the PC is outside at the living rm n nt knowing dat i'll have a reaction from juz smelling it, i stayed outside for juz enough time to have an allergic reaction to occur... I'd started to feel the itch at my neck thinking dat its juz normal itch n so i decided to go n slp(yea right)... As i was on my bed reading...My worst nightmare have started! I went totally red from neck to hips! totally infected! Damn, i was freaking out and panicking at e same time... i was thinking of wat id eaten b4 bt had nt been eating anyth much tho... e only thing dat had attacked me was e horrible smell of the dried squid! OMG! i quickly ran outta room n ate my meds... din really work right there n then... i had to wait den the itch had subsided... phew! Went to dream land right after that...~

Life's already hard for me n it's juz getting harder... Well i say - Bring it on! Allergies Mallergies... i even have to take precautions wen i'm outside coz even if the soup has anchovies in it, i can't buy it coz it'll only give me rashes... dang~ lol

It has ocurred to me that everywhere i go, my sexuality is been asked... i wonder why~ Wen i was small, i've always been a tomboy... aunts and uncles have been asking me y do i nt behave, act or dress as a girl? Well, i basically grew up wit boys even tho i have a sister, she was bz bcoming a bookworm that point of tme so i nvr really knew her that well...sometimes i'd forget dat i had a sister until i was older(sorry sis if ure reading this bt its e truth). my cousins wld come by our house on wkends and we'd end up playing under the block. Soccer, catching, playground, etc...all are basically boys stuff n i've nvr wanted e barbie doll that every girl wldve wanted coz i din c any pt in combing a dolls hair n putting clothes on it and wtv girls do wit dolls...i think i cut a hair of someone's doll once hahaha the hair was all over the plc anyway!

primary sch was a breeze for me... i din get into too much trouble, i gt in to e sch's track n field team(yes, i was a sprinter...), gt to play soccer n minded my own bzness most of the time... Sec sch life for me was a bit hard tho wit all e stupid boys teasing me(coz i was fat DUH) was lucky i went thru that w/out killing myself hahaha!

I really DID wanted to try on girls clothes and mind u i did... i wore dresses on certain occasions juz to be on e normal side... u know how relatives are if ure nt properly dressed if ure nt girly enough, ure nt pretty... wtv... all i wanted to juz wear tshirts or shirts n pants... i find it more comfy for me... even if it's on Hari Raya... i wld wear my tshirt n shorts inside of the baju kurung and wld take them off after photo sessions are over. Sometime i'd take em off wen i reach my gmas plc(thets where every1 goes to 1st)...haha i juz love the feeling of cotton on my body then any other materials... ew!

The qn is, so what if i wear clothes that boys do? Is that a crime? Do i have to be a butch or a lesbian in order for me to wear those clothings that i love? Well i think that SOME ppl can be so conservative sometimes doncha think?! The fact that i grew up wit boys doesnt necessarily make me 1 doesnt it? Oh and i forgt to add, Juz WHERE in SINGAPORE do u get big sized clothes and nt to mention CHEAP in singapore? Most ppl wld think that i'll fit into women's XL well, think again... if life was thay easy honey, id be the most beautiful fat girl in Singapore. Fuck it! the whole WORLD! I figured i don like them anyways so y bother look for it... Unless i'm a free woman i still have to look for girl clothings... Parents, u juz cant get away from them! If u love them u'll juz have to obey them...bt sometimes i get my own way hehe!

I cant even imagine myself being a girly girl *tries to imagine...Shakes head* -NO WAY! Looks like i'm nt gonna tell u wat sex i belong to coz i don like to be categorized anyway... straight, lesbian, gay...i'd say i'm me and accept the way that i am or juz don come near me... *growls*

Its been a fun time writing this down... Thx Blog-ary for patiently waiting for me to finish this post which took me a lifetime to finish and also thx to my oh so wonderful creatures and human beings that are reading my troubles in life. Good Morning(Time to sleep -zzzzzz-)

CYA!

Believe it or not (Dot Dot Dot)

I officially have 1 follower! that is The Mar... He's my colleague, my friend and my supporter and i hope it stays that way! you can even read his blog at The Mar (Thx for being there for me man!) .

I have been thinking of what topic to write for this post long n hard bt i cant seem to find the right topic. I guess i don have to find the right topic bt i juz have to write abt wat's happening with my life! hmm... i guess i'll make this blog like a diary for me... i shall make it my Blog-ary(get it? Blog + Diary?)

The qn is, wat have been happening to me lately... i'd say ALOT! Where should i start? lets run a list.

• I have started my diet starting on 22nd Feb 2010. If i were to tell u wat kinda diet i'm on, u'll tell me all sorta names so i shall keep it at that! Don't worry, i'm nt in any way or another starving myself... i do eat.
• I been drinking mostly plain water most of the time except for when i eat i'll have to drink MILO juz so that it'll make my tummy full-er... and i have to eat slowly. I have figured that i don have to eat alot in order to be full, i juz have to eat slowly n savor my food so that i won't eat too much. Trust me it works like a charm!
• As u know that i've been gg to the gym n working out... at 1st, it was tiring for me bt i have found my rhythm n have gradually increasing the time... I havn't really felt any chges yet, bt i hope to see it in 6 mths time. The reason y it's 6 mths is coz i wanna surprise myself instead of c-ing myself chg gradually... I wonder if it sounds gd now that i'm thinking abt it.
• It's been a while since i've read books so i decided to read on some. Last week, ive heard of my colleagues (Shellie & Priya) talking abt reading books abt women in Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan... u know those countries...I was kinda inspired by them to read up on these books. And so i went to the library and borrowed 2 books. So far, ive read 1 n its called Zoya's Story very tragic n horrible it made me cry(yes i have feelings...) when her parents died and later her grandmother. I have no other terrible words to describe the book. U'll have to read it to understand how the world around her is so CRUEL .
• I'm waiting to read the next book in line... I have this thing abt reading books wen i'm on e road dats y i don read it at home coz i'll juz finish it in a day... I hope my trips to the gym will be filled with me reading the book. Sometimes the journey juz seems like its too short coz i get very occupied.
• What u dunno is what i read at night *doing the eyebrow* hahaha its totally different from i read in e afternoon den wen i'm on my bed reading at night... I shall not let u in on that 1 bt i juz wanted to let u know of wat i do at night before i slp...wen i cant slp... Don't think of anything dirty now! its not what u think it is... really!
• I don't think every1 knows abt this bit of me tho...hmm everytime i have the time to go online, e 1st thing i'll do is go to Facebook to update myself on things around me especially to take care of my fishes in Fishville! hehe den i'll update my self with Korea's entertainment at ALLKPOP after that, i'll check on my e-mail. Nowadays, i've been listening to some of english songs i'll have my updates at 98.7fm website and KIISFM den u know the next steps on how it gets on my PSP.

I guess that's it for now... these are the list that i do everyday this wk...

Anymore abt me, hmm yes there is bt i'll save it for the next post! CYA!

Normal or Abnormal

hey! this Is officially my first POST on my OWN blog! so...shld i or shld i nt introduce myself to e world? hmm...

Maybe i shld coz there might be ppl out there there that doesnt know me...so i shall start with the basics.

My name's Hanah... my full name, u do not need to know bt there's a Hanah somewhere in there. As of the year 2010, my age is this year is 22 years young! yes i am young! i'm a female(like duh shows in my name. have u heard of a guys name that has Hanah in it? well, if u have pls tell me.) i hvn't really weighed myself lately but as of 3 weeks ago, my weight was 100kg believe it anot... haiz... but! as of 1 wk ago, i have started my cleansing treatment(which includes me to basically eating right and exercising) and hopefully it will last for a very long time this time. I need ur SUPPORT ppl! pls support me thru my hardships in losing weight!!! I have been gg to e gym regularly - 3 time a week... 2hours a day and crunches everynight. hmm... hope there'll be results by the end of the year!

For those that see me on the streets...those who judge me by my appearance, they'll think of me as juz another fat girl who eats alot and makes fun at herself juz coz im fat. Well to tell u the truth, it hurts everytime i talk about myself.... won't u feel the same if you were me? imagine urself being fat gg to school n being treated badly by ur peers juz coz ure FAT! damn it hurts!

well, it hurts more if ure family is getting it too... For me, i'm e only 1 in the family who's fat n whenever i go out with them, ppl will ask me whether i'm part of the family or not juz coz im FAT! life is hard but nt as hard as to those who r suffering in 3rd world countries n natural disasters countries... its heart breaking that they have to thru hell everyday... why can't there juz be peace in this world? why must they take over each other's countries and rule it like they own it?

Anyways, other then being fat, i have been told that i look like a Chinese... i cant help it if both my gmothers are from China. I have no idea how they met my gfathers tho... I shall start with my father side of the story: my gmother from china and gfather from india who came to malacca. Now i dunno how they met but india and china are far away as i know... how they met, still stays as a mystery to me... as for my mother side of the story is easy... my gmother was from china bt her parents came to spore to seek more income here den it was war time in spore n they had to give my gmother to a muslim family in order to let their daughter survive... my gfather was from 1 of the riau islands - Bengkalis...i've been there like 2-3 times n dat was it... life was poor bt i juz don click with the ppl there... anyways he came to spore n became a taxi driver n gt married to my gmother! i heard from my mom dat my gmother was hot stuff back then wearing tight baju kebaya with killer heels everything! woohoo! cool shit man!Too bad i inherited my gmother's nose(flat chinese traditional nose) and nt my gfather's nose...

I shall write more about me in POSTS to come! if u wanna know more about me or have qns to ask me, pls feel free to ask! i gotta go get ready for gym! cya ltr!